Really?
Okay, so maybe not the best way to deal with it, but when a good friend invites you to $1 wine tasting which then turns into free Paul Simon concert tickets, you pick up your guitar carafe of Cabernet & cheers the night away.
All in the hopes of making reality seem like something you've dreamt up...
Nothing beats heartache like a pounding hangover headache, 3 hours of sleep and a full day on set ahead of you...I can do this! Ow! I hope...
I did pretty okay in restraining my drunk texting that night, aside from videoing some of the concert, saying "i love you" at the end & SENDING it!! But I was feeling it, why not share it! Riiight?
It was so hard that next day to not text him. I was a big ball of mixed emotions, from sad and hurt, to angry and then sad again.
I felt like a fool, how could I have been so utterly happy just 2 days earlier?
Work was brutal, but I survived it. No one to blame for my pain other than my own doing. I could not wait for my bed!
When I got home, he asked if we could FaceTime, which I couldn't resist. We each curled up in our respective beds, talking but saying nothing really at all. It was just great to see his face.
Of course as we got off the phone, I was wide awake, seriously? All I wanted was sleep. I grabbed my book & curled up.
He texted, joked about being awake too, but us both knowing me + reading in bed = asleep in 10 min...& sure enough!
Next thing I'm aware of is the sound of his voice, at midnight he drove over & crawled in to bed with me. We slept entwined in each other's arms all night.
I had never slept so soundly with him.
** this move now tops as one of his all-time romantic gestures, beating out the "going home cuz we each CAN'T sleep & returning with coffee next morning" ;)
We still needed to talk but our schedules weren't matching.
Saturday night I crawled into his bed while he slept, again a peaceful night.
The weekend passed. I wanted to be in full on ignore-it mode, real healthy I know ;) I tried to focus on my business.
Monday arrives with the news I did not make it into a holiday show I was hoping for with Ch*Armz. This news seemed to hit a lil harder than it should've but go figure my state of mind...
We were planning on lunch, but I told him nevermind I had lost my appetite.
A lil bit later, there was a knock at my door & there he was with vegetarian chili for me, he remembered me saying I miss having chili back home when it gets cold out :)
He even brought Fritos to top it with!
He heated up some soup for himself & we curled up on the couch.
I was feeling pretty down & he filled me up with all the good things he sees in me & my company's potential. I listened & took it all in. I knew he was speaking from his heart. He really is a good man, albeit confused. I knew his words & his love was real.
I nestled in his arms. Silence crept in. I knew I needed to bring up the white elephant in the room, oh god I don't want to...ok, like a band-aid rip it off, 1...2...3...
So are you going to see her?
He had booked his flight, he left in a week...
More silence, we just sat in each other's arms.
I tried to pull myself together & act like I needed to get back to work. I couldn't let him see me breakdown.
I started to clean up & busy myself to keep from crying.
He grabbed me and hugged me tight.
We both cried. We stood there for what seemed like forever.
I pulled away, clicked on my iTunes to break the silence & retreated to my bedroom.
Couldn't have asked for a more ridiculously dramatic song to come on than Adele's "Someone Like You"...
He let himself out
